So, you know that "old fic" meme?

Well, on a lark, I just skimmed a few paragraphs of what may have been my first ever fanfic, before I even knew such a thing as fanfiction even existed. I thought to myself: hey, self, remember that thing? See all those old spreadsheets of characters and ships and planets? (Star Wars, of course.) Maybe there's something salvageable. At least a name, or a new species, or something. You spent enough hours on it way back when, self. There's got to be something, right?

Right?

... A few files later, I did indeed find a few decent character names, corny ship names, bizarre species descriptions and unpronounceable planets. And I skimmed a few lines of that old, old story.

I was enthusiastic, I'll give myself that. And not half bad at describing things. Trouble is, that's ALL that I did. Seriously. The plot was fuzzily sketched out in notes-to-self. The dialogue was stilted at best, cringe-worthy in spots, and even the original characters sound OOC. (Seriously, self: nobody talks that way. Not even me.) But I spent a whole paragraph describing how Wedge Antilles, Rogue Squadron leader and recently promoted to Colonel (psst, self: check rank) had just returned to Coruscant from vacation on unpronounceable-planet and so was operating on unpronounceable-planet time and had forgotten to reset his chronometer, and as a consequence (self: seriously? NOBODY talks that way) was half an hour early to an emergency Council meeting (which was apparently not all that much of an emergency).

Let me say it again: a WHOLE PARAGRAPH. Oh, self.

This is why I don't reread my oldest stories. The stuff I wrote at age 9 was cute. After that, criiiinge. Gee willikers, I hope I don't feel the same way about my current stuff 20 years from now...

Yes, I said 'gee willikers,' and I didn't even double-check the spelling. Future self: insert cringe here.