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I reread one of my early fanfics yesterday. Harry Potter, year 6. Objectively, it was... not good. I knew that would be the case going in (it was high school, after all), but it still made me cringe and shake my head and wonder what I was thinking. BUT. I was also surprised to see the early seeds of something... not bad. Even early indications of what I think are my strengths now. Anyway, my point is that unfinished, unposted fic wasn’t an exercise in futility — it was a labor of love and a creative exploration and a stepping stone.

And occasionally unintentionally hilarious.

1. “Just one damn minute, Admiral” Spock-style swearing with mild colorful metaphors sprinkled awkwardly throughout the dialogue. Clearly, I didn’t have much practice using them at all. I counted four “hells,” five “damns,” one “dammit” and one (gasp) “shit.”
2. Mysterious Figures(tm) and Mythological Allusions as a substitute for plot points.
3. So. Much. Description.
4. A couple lines of banter that actually... are pretty good. I might steal them.
5. Did I actually guess a couple minor plot points of the next book? Siriously?
6. An entire syllabus for a new course in Spellcrafting. Actually, the premise is quite solid, and the details are interesting, and it even raises a bludgeoning ethical question or five. (But really, Syrena? The whole syllabus?)
7. Embedded author’s notes to an audience I didn’t even have, with ^_^ emojis and promises of cookies for picking up on silly literary allusions and awkward attempts to initiate conversation with readers who never existed. (A/N: Don’t hate me for the cliffhanger, I don’t know what happens next either!)
8. When I couldn’t decide between two synonyms, I used them both.
9. On a related note, I used the word “eldritch” a lot.
10. I switched points of view constantly. Reading this is like watching a tennis tournament — now we’re in Harry’s head, now Ron’s, now Hermione’s, now the Mysterious Figure(tm), now the Possible-Love-Interest-OC (don’t hate me! ^_^)...

I just went back even farther in my personal Wayback Machine, and hoo-boy. (Did I mention I actually used the phrase “hoo-boy”?) I spent much of middle school in a galaxy far, far away.... Here’s the highlights:

1. I crash-landed Borsk Fey’lya, gave him amnesia, a love interest and a Tragic Backstory(tm), and redeemed his character. Oh, and it’s a songfic.
2. I wrote an entire fic about playing sabaac. It’s as exciting as it sounds.
3. I loved name-dropping droids, shipyards, and specific tech. All those Essential Guides on my bookshelf had to be put to good use, right?
4. I also loved naming new planets, ship models, species and characters. Okay, so nothing much has changed there. (But did I really name a throwaway politician Bolin Kowell? Yes, yes I did. Good grief.)
5. LARGE, BOLD, ALL CAPS, TYPEWRITER FONT for screen-based communications. This is the future, people!
6. Ooh, a fleet of mysterious, hostile aliens! That never happens in the EU...
7. I had a clear desire to write pranks, but just as clearly couldn’t think of any good ones. Oddly, just writing Wes Janson into the story didn’t conjure clever ideas.
8. Wow, I had... a lot of little subplots. They all sound alike, too. I think they all began life as separate stories, and I decided to lump them all together. With unnecessary flashbacks.
9. I resurrected or reunited characters with willful abandon! If I missed them in canon, then I was bringing them back, logic be “dammed.” Okay, I’m still on board with that part.
10. I used to write character profiles and outlines. They are filled with gems like “bitter, but for no good reason” or “member of a species with huge craniums,” and “secret mission to a planet” or “what is the conflict?” Very thorough stuff.

Aaand that’s the end of our detour down Memory Lane. Now, back to the multiple exchanges I should be working on!
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